Saturday, December 27, 2008

See, they can trigger me, but they'll never figure me out.

I know. You can't believe it. Another update? How is this possible, Vanq, you sexy beast?

Yeah, I can read minds, too, reader. (Even through computer screens.) It seems impossible that I'd actually write another update amidst all the traveling/packing/beating off/more traveling that I've been doing, yet here it is. How do I do it?

Simple: outsourcing.

I've outsourced my blog-writing to teenagers in China, who are being paid 15 FPPs/hr to write all of this material for me. You know how people say, "If you put an infinite number of monkeys in a room with typewriters, they'd eventually produce the script for No Country for Old Men"? Well, that's exactly what my Chineenagers (See what I did?) are doing right now. (Chang, quit fuckin' around and write! I know you're texting your girlfriend, and you know I told you not to do that during work hours.) Ah, who am I kidding? Chang doesn't have a girlfriend. He's not even real. I made him up.

Now that the blog is rollin', it's time to get that other thing on course too. You know, life? On a side note (up your ass), it's really tilting when I hear some moronic 16-year old girl with dyed hair talking with her dumbass friend about how "[her] life is so complicated right now." Come on, bitch. You and I know both know that you aren't really a human being, but rather a figment of my imagination. Start acting like it.

Fuckin' skanks.

Anyways, I switched up some courses I'll be taking starting in January between unpacking and repacking suitcases. I decided to veer away from some courses required for my business degree and look for some pseudoscientific/liberal arts courses to wave my dick at. I ran into philosophy and Russian literature. I'll give those a shot and then figure if I want to stay in them for the semester or just fuck off in my ass until summer hits.

I've been scourging for advice as to what to do this summer, (hint, hint, reader) as I think I'm gonna stay away from working a full-time job/internship and hopefully get poker going to a reasonable degree, so I can have more free time to do baller shit. I was considering either saving up to go traveling in Europe for a while (Germany, I want to put my phallus in your vagine.), or saving for a car and maybe doing the live circuit thing for a bit. (I'm just so much better at live poker than online, it's not even fair.) Germany sounds really promising, as do the Scandinavian countries and Holland. Anyone with traveling experience, gimme a shout. I'm interested in hearing what you've got to say about the whole thing.

It looks like a long month of January coming up poker-wise, as I've played almost no hands in December. (Gotta get 188 more VPPs to get to SilverStar!) Whatever, though, poker is easy. I hear the final boss (???) can be a bitch, though. I'm gonna try to get into making some videos as well, so if you wanna get at me, tell your label to contact me. I ask $400 for a feature. Wanna battle? I'll beat ya. I'm a beast. I'm a creature.

I've got a bottle of Ketel One to enjoy, and I think I'm going to get real drunk tonight, so I can have a sicko hangover on the bus ride to Boston tomorrow. I'm also going to make some magic Gatorade for the bus ride, because it's usually intolerable. Fucking Greyhound. No wonder people kill each other while on their buses. Oops, too soon.

Anyways, I'll kill all of you later.

Get money, get paid.

The next update is coming fuck-knows-when, so... You know, keep it close.


Jay said...

Supreme blogging imo :)

Curtis Jones said...

yeah update again.....plz

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enty said...

u suck at updating