I can pass words with the ability to hurt you: Patience is a virtue and knowledge is a commercial.

I was wading through every single blog whose link I came across and came to a conclusion (and came to a porno of two girls fucking a guy dressed as Tarzan):

Everyone is retarded.

Introduce a little creativity to your blogs, for heaven's sake. It's the same thing over and over again with you all. Let me give you a sample of a blog post that I ran into just recently. (It actually singed my pubes, it was so lame.)

-Hey, sorry for not updating! I was just so busy caught up in all the Thanksgiving madness. Can you believe that I ate three pounds of turkey? That's almost more than my cousin Dennis. He eats a lot. I like stuffing. Dogs are also cute. I also played two hours of poker with Sally and Tasha, my twin cousins who are joined at the face. They were very bad at poker! I ran really bad though (KK lost to QT!). I was over $33.98 under EV. Also, I don't like that there's no rakeback in live poker. I like money. I also like when I have money. There are some things I don't like though, like splinters. They hurt. I don't like pain at all because it hurts, too. Also I don't like coachroaches in McDonalds. Anyways, I gotta run to watch my TIVOed episode of Thunderland Hills before bedtime. If you haven't seen it, it's a great show about neoskaters in the suburbs, and their struggle. I can really relate to it. I hope you all have a great week and win with AA ten times for stacks! I can't wait until the next time I update this awful excuse for a blog! Bye everyone :) :) :)!!!


For fuck's sake. I know, I know, blogs are more for the writer than the reader, blah blah, look both ways before you cross the road, blah blah, don't eat dirt, blah blah, but seriously? This is what you're making a blog for? Be creative for once, and you'll gain a completely new perspective on writing, and how interesting it becomes when people can actually differentiate your blog from everyone else's. Anyways, I write all of my stuff to give worthless advice and make people laugh (Or at least pretend to laugh. You know who you fake individuals are.). That's why my anecdotes never make sense, and I never actually include any accurate information about my poker playing: it's to try to be original. I don't think it's really working, though.

Anyways, let me update you spiteful bastards on my own shit:

I'm staying in Ontario now, playing some hockey, drinking some beer, and freezing my big black dick off. It should never be this cold anywhere. (Can't wait for global warming to kick in.) I have played almost no poker, partially because poker is rigged, and partially because I don't have my monitor and have friends to hang out with most of the time. (I know you don't give a fuck about any of this, but I gotta type something to make my posts look longer.) Also, the other day I took a shit, then wiped, then looked into the toilet and it was green. You know the rule, "If it's green, get it seen?" Yeah, going to hit the doctor's once I get back to Montreal. (Thanks for the free healthcare, Canada.)

Yeah, this post fucking sucks, but I really can't think of too much funny shit on an empty stomach and want to support the illusion that I'm actually hardxcore committed to this blog. (Spellcheck didn't underline hardxcore as a misspelled word, what the fuck?) Hopefully in my next update, I'll have something to say about girls who smell in the vaginal region or how it's ridiculous that some people stand up to wipe after they defecate.



Thug life,

Vanq (The God)



Oh, PS: I just realized I didn't have spellcheck on. For a second there I thought hardxcore must be a real word or something.